


Mourning You More Than I Thought I Would

by Redandblackassassin



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, But Thor did in the final battle, Endgame is going to destroy me, Established Relationship, Loki never died, M/M, No Endgame Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-25 16:29:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18578251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redandblackassassin/pseuds/Redandblackassassin
Summary: Thor Odinson died in his brother's arms, traumatising him. Will he ever let Stephen back into his heart?





	Mourning You More Than I Thought I Would

Loki Odinson was silent, staring at the wall of the New York Sanctum when Stephen Strange knocked on the door to check up on the god. The sorcerer hadn't ever seen his lover cry, not until now. Upon noticing his lover, Loki quickly banished the tears and sniffed, as if pretending that he lacked emotion. Stephen knew this wasn't the case, for Loki was so overwhelmed with emotion that he didn't know what to do, how to handle or express it.

“What do you want.” Loki’s once seductive, haunting voice lacked emotion. Was numb. It broke Stephen’s heart, to see Loki so affected and...broken like this.

“To check up on you,” Stephen replied, daring to take a step closer into the room. Loki scoffed, but it was lifeless, didn’t have the usual sharp edge.  
“I am not a child, Strange,” the witch said dully, looking down at the embellished sleeves of his shirt. He was barefooted with wild, loose ebony curls that he hadn’t bothered to slick back with gel. A complete difference to the refined, finely-dressed god Stephen knew. He was still beautiful. 

Two days ago, the fight with Thanos had finally ended. Despite his torturer being defeated and dead, Loki mourned for Thor, his brother, who Thanos had killed with his own weapon; Stormbreaker. Thor had died in his brother’s arms, who pleaded and sobbed for him to not die. Stephen, Loki, Wanda and the female Captain had worked together to kill Thanos, but it was Loki who had delivered the death blow with rage and heartache in his emerald eyes. 

“I know that,” Stephen said in deadpan, daring to sit on the edge of the bed. Their bed, where they had slept and made love in for the months leading up to the battle with the Mad Titan. Stephen somehow had knocked down the walls of Loki’s heart, only for them to be put up again much stronger and thicker. “Talk to me,” He urged, but Loki merely moved away from him.  
“Leave me alone,” the god said quietly, swallowing the lump in his throat. How could someone be so full of emotion yet so emotionless at the same time? Stephen moved closer once again and Loki didn’t have the energy to move again.  
“No,” Stephen replied, easing an arm around Loki’s body, who initially tensed completely, as if he hadn’t ever been touched before.  
“And why not?” Loki demanded, but his voice wavered. This was not Loki Odinson, but a mere shell of the god he used to be.  
“Because you need me,” Stephen said calmly, quietly as he tucked his lover tighter to his side. “Because you need me and your stubborn ass won’t admit it.” Loki looked down at the duvet and shrugged, saying nothing, but Stephen swore he shimmied his body a little closer. Moments passed, where only little sighs escaped the god’s lips.

“Did I ever tell you the reason why I became a doctor?” The sorcerer asked, then continued when Loki shook his head. Slowly Stephen tugged the god closer to him. “I had a younger sister,” Stephen began, making Loki’s dark brows rise slightly. “She was called Donna. She...drowned in a pool.” His grip tightened on Loki’s waist. “She drowned in a pool,” he repeated, “and I couldn’t save her. That’s why I became a doctor. I wanted to help others, when I couldn’t do anything for my sister. Loki, you did everything you could-”  
“But it wasn’t enough. Thor still died,” Loki replied bluntly.  
“You and I both know he would be glad that it was him and not you.”  
“So? Thor had his Avengers, the Guardians, he had people to live for, who loved him. I-”  
“Have me. It might not be a group of people, but you have someone to live for, who loves you.”  
Loki tensed at the last few words, looking up at Stephen with furrowed brows who merely held him closer, kissing the top of Loki’s head.  
“Yes, I said loves. I love you.”  
“When did you come to that conclusion?”  
“The night before we began to fight Thanos, when I realised that you dying in this war was a possibility. I didn’t think just the thought of you dying would affect me, but it did and that is when I came to the conclusion, my dear, that I loved you.”  
“A foolish conclusion,” Loki said, wrinkling his nose up, which Stephen kissed the tip of.  
“Perhaps, but why should I care after everything?”  
Loki made a noise, as if to say ‘fair enough.’ 

Another passage of silence went by, where Stephen was content to just hold Loki tight to his waist. He was thankful that the god was granting this comfort for the both of them. They had both been traumatised, both seen horrors that they never wanted to face again in their lives.  
“I miss him,” Loki admitted into the silence, laying his head on Stephen’s shoulder. His fingers reached up, seeking Stephen’s hair to stroke it.  
“I know.”  
“More than I thought I would. For years I betrayed him, tried to get rid of him...but it feels...strange to not have him around. He was always so positive, so hopeful, I think I got used to that too much. I try to think of it positively, in a way he would, by thinking that he’s with mother and father...but I’m far too selfish for that. I want him here with me. I hated my brother sometimes, but I also think I loved him,” Loki murmured, looking down at the hand he had laced with his lover’s. Stephen didn’t reply, just held him, staying silent for Loki to say anything he wanted. He knew that Thor and Loki had a complicated relationship, that one moment they were trying to kill each other and the next they were working together. Unfortunately, Thor had died when Loki and his relationship was at the best it had ever been. 

“I love you too,” Loki murmured, bringing his hand around to stroke Stephen’s cheek, who smiled faintly despite the sad moment. Loki loved him, which was the last thing he ever expected in his life,  
“And when did you come to that conclusion, my love?” He asked.  
Loki thought for a moment, biting the inside of his cheeks. “Around the same time you did, or maybe before. I had never felt...love. Maybe worthless flings, but never love. Thank you, for being here for me,” he breathed, gazing up at Stephen. The only person he had left, it seemed. Blue met green as the sorcerer looked at him.  
“You’re welcome,” he replied, his voice as soft as he could possibly make it. He kicked off his shoes, then laid down on the bed, urging Loki to follow him. He did, nestling his head against Stephen’s chest. In return, his lover stroked his wild hair, taming it with every smooth stroke. 

Things weren’t okay, they wouldn’t be for a while, but that was okay.

They had each other, and that was enough for Stephen.

**Author's Note:**

> You can tear this ship from my cold, dead hands honestly.


End file.
